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  • Ponderisms

    I hope this is not a repeat, if so, SORRY!! It's still very true

    · * I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that
    most people die of natural causes.

    · * Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you
    are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it
    comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

    · * The easiest way to find something lost around the house is
    to buy a replacement.

    · * Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

    · * There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

    · * Life is sexually transmitted.

    · * Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

    · * The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

    · * Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything,
    but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the
    stairs.

    · * Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying
    of nothing.

    · * Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days
    no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

    · * Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

    · * All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no
    attention to criticism.

    · * In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the
    world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

    · * How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it
    takes a whole box to start a campfire?

    · * Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I'll squeeze these
    dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

    · * Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there?
    I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

    · * Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

    · * If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song
    about him?

    · * Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time,
    but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

    · * Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if
    they are going to look up there anyway?

    · * If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

    · * If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from
    morons?

    · * Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

    · * Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets
    mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head
    out the window?

    · * Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it
    arrive faster?

    · * Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

  • #2
    those were good

    Comment


    • #3
      Some of them were pretty good... thanks for sharing!

      Comment


      • #4
        Those were good! here is a couple more:

        Why do we drive on parkways, and park in driveways?

        Where does all the rubber go that wears off our tires?
        Why isn't there little piles of it along the road?

        Why do drive up ATM's have braille instructions?

        Comment


        • #5
          and why does the drive up window at mcdonalds say that a braile menu is available???

          btw...where does the white go when the snow melts

          Comment


          • #6
            · * The easiest way to find something lost around the house is
            to buy a replacement.
            I bought a new digital camera yesterday. I found my old digital this morning by accident, after looking for 3 weeks.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by joe_and_jeep
              I bought a new digital camera yesterday. I found my old digital this morning by accident, after looking for 3 weeks.
              theres the kick in the nuts, right there

              Comment

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