Shopping At Target

[NOCHEEPGAS]

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her
trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and
preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to
browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the
local Target.

Dear Mrs. Samuel,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a
commotion in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban
both of you from the store.

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed
below and are documented
by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of
condoms and randomly put them in
other people's carts when they weren't
looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm
clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of
tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an
employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in
Housewares.
Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her
assigned station
and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn
resulted with a union grievance,
causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of
M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted
area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told
the children shoppers he'd invite
them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the
bedding department to which twenty
children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed,
'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used
it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department,
he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11.. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while
loudly
humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna
look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13.. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,
he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO!
IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no
toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

[carlobee]

hahaha. clever guy!

[herman8r2]

THAT IS AWESOME!!!!!!! I may just use some of those in the future....

[Gryphon]

I've actually done number 14. Wife HATES it when I do that...so do the clerks, but who cares about them. They get paid to listen to the ceiling.

15 about made me spew I laughed so hard!!!

A buddy and I got kicked out of a Kmart for playing with the toys...